Very Cold, Very Dry

*Today’s blog post is written by my very talented husband, Eric. Enjoy!

In Tom Stoppard’s delightfully postmodern play, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead, the two erstwhile non-heroes are on a boat discussing whether they will ever reach their destination. “I don’t believe in England,’ Rosencrantz remarks. “Just a conspiracy of cartographers?” Guildenstern replies. It’s droll and, to be sure, absurdist humor at its height. But it hits close to a fundamental truth about Martinis: we shouldn’t put our blind trust into the English. Well, one Englishman in particular – James Bond.

For the better part of three generations, swarthy British men in tuxedos – from Sean Connery to Pierce Brosnan and, sigh, George Lazenby – have been teaching us that a Martini should be “shaken, not stirred.” A cutting remark on personal preferences? Yes. A guideline for making a decent cocktail? Hardly. We might take comfort in Daniel Craig’s meta-humorous response to a bartender in Casino Royale. When asked “shaken or stirred?’ Craig’s Bond replies, “Do I look like I give a damn?” (The far-and-away winner of James Bond meta-humor is the aforementioned Lazenby, looking the camera straight on after a humiliating defeat at the hands of Blofeld’s mooks and saying without a bit of irony, “This never happened to the  other guy.” Sigh.)

The fact of the matter is, one does not shake a proper Martini. It bruises the gin. Okay, it doesn’t bruise the gin, but it does alter the dilution of the drink to an unpleasant level. Shake anything with ice and the friction will melt the ice and dilute the drink very quickly, faster than you or even a professional bartender may realize. The end result is a shadow of the glorious taste that a properly stirred Martini should embody. Stirring allows you to control the dilution and the temperature, while simultaneously giving your arm a much needed workout in between hoisting your drink. Even James Bond would approve. 

This Week’s Martini Icon:

While some 1960s icons give you glitz, glamour, gung-ho masculinity or gregarious humor (looking at you, Lazenby) there are some icons that are so cool they actually make the Martini in their hand colder while holding it. That’s Marcelo Mastroianni. This twentieth-century Italian film icon is best known for his starring roles in Federico Fellini’s 8 ½ and Dolce Vita. His filmography goes much deeper than that, and even his lesser known roles are still worth a view. Mastroianni embodies the Martini life because he is indeed just so cool. The suits are dark, unadorned, and always a little rumpled. The cigarette is sort of loosely hanging from the corner of his mouth, just so. The sunglasses keep everything hidden.

But Mastroianni’s best claim to Martini icon-hood is that he maintains the air of cool while his own anxieties eat away at him. With Buddhist-like acceptance of his situation, and a healthy sense of disillusioned affectation, Marcelo Mastroianni reminds us that being neurotic need not mean letting our entire life fall apart. We can still stir up a Martini, knot our tie properly, and look effortlessly cool while we – and the rest of the world – are really on fire. 

Martini of the Week:

The Italian Riviera

2.5 oz, Engine Gin

0.25 oz, Tenuta di Aglaea Dry Vermouth

3 dashes, Fee Brothers Orange Bitters

This Martini has Mastroianni’s Mediterranean style and features one of the most exciting Italian gins available. Engine Gin looks like a marketing gimmick with its oilcan metal bottle. But inside is a beautifully smooth spirit replete with citrus, berry, herb oil, and a slick, lingering finish. Adding the Aglaea vermouth provides a mellow undertone and the bitters makes those citrus notes really pop. 

Stir everything together over ice until very cold. Strain into a chilled cocktail glass and garnish with a lemon peel. 

Song of the Week:

People forget about Mel Tormé. He was never quite Frank Sinatra, never really Bing Crosby. He didn’t make silly buddy comedy movies or get drunk and break into Marilyn Monroe’s hotel room. But The Velvet Fog (as he was known) has a deep and diverse discography that demonstrates power, passion, and a playful musical mind in jazz, pop, easy listening, American Songbook, and beyond. On his 1969 album A Time for Us (which also features “Windmills of Your Mind” for all the Severance fans out there) Tormé’s “Midnight Swinger” is equal parts celebration and critique of the 1960s Cool that Mastroianni embodied (the film star even gets name-dropped in the song). It reminds us that cool is always inside us, but sometimes a little external validation is necessary.